The Mystery of Grace

Grace is such a mysterious thing to me. I can vaguely grasp what it means for me to be gracious, but the grace of God is even harder to understand.

As a noun, grace is defined as "favor or good will". As a verb it is defined as "to favor or honor".

Now why on earth God would show me favor, honor, or good will is so far beyond me. I am so undeserving of this in so many ways. I can't even show constant grace to my own children, why in the world would I deserve grace from the Author of good Himself?

I cannot understand. I cannot fathom.

And yet He fills me up with it.

And it is beyond beauty. It is beyond precious. It is beyond valuable.

It is indescribable the goodness of this grace He provides!

I think of Jesus washing the feet of His disciples just before He went to the cross. Here He is... the man who would save us all, capable of power unimaginable, filled with the ability to wipe the slate clean if He had wished and what does He do?

He washes the feet of those who need His saving.

He serves as if a lowly servant those He could easily rid of sin with one word. And as if that weren't enough, He then gives His life for us all... the greatest form of service ever commited.

Jesus is so good! I am humbled.

And ashamed.

This man who possessed all the power of the universe died for my lack of grace and so much more. To think that I have a hard time being patient with my husband or children while knowing what was given for me so that I could be forgiven for just that... it makes me sick about myself.

But He still forgives. And calls me to forgive myself. And keep moving forward.

I am amazed.

Jesus... You bring tears to my eyes. Why can I not fully accept what You have done for me? Why can I not be perfect in every way after knowing what You gave for me? I long so much to please You. I long so much to give to You all that You deserve. But I fall short... again. Please forgive me for so many things... inpatience, anger, selfishness, pride, laziness, negativity. Give me the strength and the power to overcome these weaknesses. Remind me of your indescribable grace and mercy. Remind me of what You gave so that I could be free. I am so in love with You. And my greatest desire is to please You. Teach me how, Lord.